Declaring War on Food- My Anorexic Story.

Borrow an Anorexic human book and listen to her descent into anorexia.

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I stopped eating when I was 12. It would be easier to fully place the blame of my own undoing on the horror stories told by my aunt during family functions of remaining a spinster due to my weight. The constant harassment coupled with vanity sent me spiralling out of control. I had always been on the heavier side, my mother used to joke as a baby my father’s arms suffered under the weight that was me.

Constant harassments turned into compliments, fed my ego. Losing 20 kg within the span of two months felt like an achievement. With every kg lost, a new high I gained. Limiting my body’s calorie intake was a drug I could not get enough. The highs gave way to paranoia. I would get so anxious about my folks taking notice of my bony frame that I was mindful to keep my portions smaller in their presence. I’m not sure if they even knew I had an eating disorder at the time, or if they did they never mentioned it to me. They were convinced I knew what was best for me.

This continues for a few years till my stomach started shrinking and after a while I couldn’t even eat a full plate of food. I was down to 40 kg. Being constantly on guard was tiring but I was in too deep to stop nor did I want it to stop. Being able to wear anything and look amazing was the only thing that kept me going at this point. Going to bed hungry was a sacrifice I was willing to make.

Everyone’s eyes were on stalks as I walked into the room looking like a bag of bones on the Eve of Chinese New Year. The secret was out. Though nobody dared mention anything, except my aunt who called me out on it. I was in too deep to realise I need help. Ironically, one of the contributing factors of my eating disorder became the reason, I am alive today. She helped me to seek out professional help. I am still on my journey of recovery. At 25, I can finally say that I am honestly happy with the way my body looks. However, the mark anorexia leaves on you is unescapable. It seeps into every aspect of your life. There’s always a chance of relapse.