Growing Up Biracial - Racism from Within

Borrow a Biracial human book and listen to struggle of facing racism from within her family.

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Having overheard a conversation of my own flesh and blood scaring a child with the term Apunehneh left me repulsed. A careless racial remark on his side, seemed like a masked insult targeted at the other half of my heritage. It among many would forever serve as a reminder; the masked tolerance my paternal family has for the other half of my culture.

The racial hierarchy which houses the Chinese at the top, made my paternal grandparents believe their son was marrying below him. Although, my mother is a quarter Chinese. All that mattered, specially my paternal grandma was the colour of her skin tone.

I remember on one occasion; my paternal grandma gave my mother a tongue lashing for allowing my skin to turn a light shade of brown. She exclaimed, saying now which Chinese guy would want to marry O Lang (black person). Being young, I brushed it off as concern for my future. Though, recalling it now, it was an attack on my mother. It pains me to say as much as my mother tried to please her in laws and adapting to my father’s Chinese roots, she was always treated like a second-class citizen within my parental grandparent’s house.

Despite it all, she never took the opportunity to poison our thoughts with hatred for them. Instead, she emphasizes the love they had for my siblings and I. Spoiling us with delicious meals and smothering us with hugs and kiss was what that kept us, kids from seeing it. Till this day, I’m torn between loving them and despising them for the hurt they caused my mother. Understanding it all now, the absence of my mother from most pictures of my father’s family social events.

If only my grandparent saw my mother as person instead of just of her skin tone. How very different my life would have been.